This is the week of love and songs that express love are as old as the art form itself. While you’ll encounter many a list of love songs that cause butterflies to flap their wings with intention in your belly, there’s also a lot of weird ones out there, and we’re here for those. Only play these songs for your love if you have an established relationship with a bit of a sense of humor. If not, continue at your own risk.
Du Hast - Rammstein
My wife loves Rammstein, but she’s also from Poland, and while you justifiably may think that anyone from Poland would reflexively disqualify anything aggressive coming from Germany, she made an exception for them, which is to say, she’s uniquely European.
Playing any Rammstein for a Taylor Swift loving American girl comes with its risks, but especially if she realizes that this song is basically a play on the German wedding vows, while stating that you both have and hate me. It’s a beautiful expression of Germanic romance.
Mountain Side - Flaming Lips
I’ll just leave a snippet here.
And I hold your electric toaster while standin' in your bathtub of love. And I'm flyin' through your mountainside dyin' in your plane crash of love
Nothing problematic here.
Obsessed - Olivia Rodrigo
If you’re with someone who really un-ironically enjoys this song, you may want to reconsider some things.
Every Breath You Take - The Police
This one is kind of a crossover, because I’ve seen this used at weddings for first dances and it's generally considered a romantic song which just proves that lyrics don’t matter. This song is full blown creepy, like Cape Fear levels of creepy. This is the ode of a stalker, from watching to possession, yet we sing and dance along with it. I mean, it’s a great song, but c’mon people, pay attention.
#1 Crush - Garbage
Speaking of stalkers. This song rides the line between romantic and that red headed smiling girl meme. Later in this list is Meatloaf’s 'I'd Do Anything for Love', and there’s a lot of ‘that’ which someone probably shouldn’t do for love in this song.
I'd Do Anything for Love - Meatloaf
The ambiguity around ‘that’ allows for this to be a very useful song. Play this song with a card saying what ‘that’ is, and make it your own. You’re welcome.
Debra - Beck
This is just a song about a hot girl named Jenny who has a hot sister named Debra and Beck wants to get with both of them.
Drain You - Nirvana
Here’s the chorus:
Chew your meat for you. Pass it back and forth. In a passionate kiss. From my mouth to yours. I like you.
Cute.
Into The Night - Benny Mardones
This song starts with, “She’s just 16 years old, leave her alone, they said”.
He doesn’t agree, and it goes downhill from there. Feast your eyes on what somehow was a pop music hit in the early 80’s.
Invisible - Clay Aiken
This is another one of those songs like Every Breath You Take that just proves that people don’t listen to lyrics. While ostensibly this song is a play on words about how he is figuratively invisible to his love, the lyrics talk about how he wishes he could be literally invisible so he could watch her in her room and make her ‘mine’, whatever that is. I realize that someone born in 2003 can now legally drink, so it’s been a minute, but I was alive then, and that wasn’t acceptable behavior.
Happy Valentines Day.
